The first month: a week-by-week settling-in plan

Day one: the house tour that matters

Show the practical things before the pretty things: keys and alarm code, the wifi password, where the medicine and first-aid kit live, how the heating works, where the fuse box is, and which supermarket is closest.

Then give the au pair the afternoon off. Jet lag plus a new language plus new children is genuinely exhausting.

Week one: shadow, don't solo

The au pair goes along on the school run rather than doing it. They watch bedtime rather than running it. By day five they should be leading routines with a parent nearby.

Children test new adults. Agree in advance who handles discipline and what the boundaries are, so the au pair is never contradicted in front of the kids.

Week two: the honest review

Sit down for twenty minutes with no children in the room. Three questions, both directions:

• What is working better than expected?
• What is quietly annoying you that you haven't said?
• Is the schedule realistic, or are we running over hours?

Week four: lock the rhythm

By now the weekly schedule should be written down and stable, the language course should have started, and the au pair should have met at least one person outside the household.

That last point is the strongest predictor of a placement lasting the full year. An au pair with their own friends stays; an au pair whose only social life is the family leaves.